When to Bed Share

Before we get into this week’s post, I just want to point out that there are very specific differences between co-sleeping and bed sharing. Co-sleeping refers to sharing a room with your child, and they are on a separate sleep space. Bed sharing refers to your child sleeping in the same space as you. In this post we’re going to look at bed sharing, how it can be done safely, and when is the right time to do it.

Bed sharing is fine if done safely

The same theory applies if your child is sleeping in a crib- if you aren’t following safe sleep guidelines, your child is at risk of injuring themselves. Sharing a bed with your child doesn’t necessarily increase the risks to your child, therefore is fine if done safely.

Its worth noting here that if you are not comfortable with sharing your bed with your baby, then don’t feel as though you have to, or persist in the hope that you might get more sleep this way. Chances are you will get less sleep through worry, so don’t stress about it. On a similar note, bed sharing or sharing the sleep space when you are truly exhausted, thanks to countless wake ups and sleepless nights, might not be the best course of action either. If you’re falling asleep with your child on a chair or sofa, for example, your child’s safety could be compromised.

Bed sharing can work if done safely, and if all involved are happy that its the best situation for the family.

Start as you mean to go on

Establish safe sleeping standards before you bed share with your baby, and stay consistent with them. Whether your child starts off their night’s sleep in your bed, or whether they end up there later on- make sure the space is safe from the word go, so that its consistently safe all the time.

When to bed share

There are several factors to consider in order to decide when is the best time to bed share. These include:

• Both parents are on board and happy with the bed sharing set up and safety guidelines. If your partner is not happy to bed share but you really feel that this is the best (maybe only) way to get some sleep, then perhaps you talk it through and come to the decision that they will sleep in the spare room for a while. The last thing you want is to force bed sharing on someone who really isn’t comfortable with it.
• Baby is breastfed. The connection between a breastfeeding mum and infant is very special, and actually promotes a synchronicity when it comes to sleep. Baby’s position in the bed is important too- they sleep slightly lower down so that they can easily latch on, and this is also a safer position for them to be in too. And it goes without saying that breastfeeding is a lot easier when your baby is sharing your bed!
• Baby was born full term. General guidance advises that babies who were born early and/ or are smaller in weight should always sleep in their own separate space rather than bed sharing with parents. If your baby was born early, it is ok to bed share once they pass their due date- as long as they are breastfeeding and your partner is on board too.

Knowing that the time is right to bed share is very important when it comes to establishing safety guidelines for bed sharing, but remember that this is still a very personal decision. Talk to your partner and come to a mutual decision about how to establish safe bed sharing- and see this post for more information on safety guidelines.