When a child is learning to ride a bike, you hold onto the bike while your child gradually learns how to balance, pedal, and steer. This needs to be developed before you move on to the next step.
As their self-assurance grows, you relax your control slightly yet remain beside them, prepared to assist if necessary.
Next, you’re running alongside your child without grasping onto them. Your child believes you support them, and your presence assures them. Gradually, you decrease your pace (exhausting, isn’t it?), and eventually, you stop. At this point, your child is cycling without your assistance. They have achieved it! They are riding their bike!
Sleep training should be just like that!
Your child is learning a new skill, and though we often feel that sleep should be easy, it is a new skill they are working on.
Remain with your child and support them as they learn this new skill. As they begin to master this skill, their confidence grows, and you can gradually decrease your involvement.
Your support is so important and similar to how they become self-reliant when learning to ride a bike.
Some sleep training techniques are more supportive than others. Some, you’ll remain with your child and help them learn the skills. Others, you’ll leave the room and let them figure it out by themselves.
Cry it out is similar to giving your child a bike and leaving them to it! You go back inside the house and give them space to handle it. Every five minutes or so, you may come out and offer some words of encouragement. If they fall off the bike, you won’t immediately pick them up. You then return to the house and wait another five minutes. You might observe them from the door as they struggle and call for assistance, and it may sadden you that you can’t rush to their aid. However, they need to acquire these skills to ride bikes with their friends.
You probably wouldn’t let your child learn to ride a bicycle like that.
And this is why I don’t think you should do the same when sleep training.
You can sleep train while staying with your child.
You can sleep train, comforting your child whenever they need help.
You can sleep train, calming your child whenever you choose to.
You can sleep train, soothing your child in any way you prefer.
You just need the right technique.
*If your child complains and fusses a little without escalating into a desperate cry, they don’t necessarily need help. You know the cry when they ask for your help, the one that makes you jump out of bed before you’re fully awake.
